I walked into The Bar last night to find a girl I used to date.  Briefly.  So briefly there was no cause for awkwardness.  We exchanged pleasantries and her date showed up.  It was the three of us at the bar, and god knows I didn't want to hear their conversation, but I wasn't giving up my favorite stool.  Long story briefer, I overheard something to the effect of "sorry mumble mumble I didn't know he'd be here."  He said "whatever" no big deal. 

The only reason this is worth mentioning is because I'm the biggest creature of habit the world has ever known.  I don't care if former interests come in - I'll be happy to see them - but no one I've dated can act like they don't know I'll be there.  That's my living room.  That's my family.  My two best friends live 3,000 miles away, my other close friends have moved away or are married.  My bar is not a place for alcoholism - ok, well it is - but no more than every waspy family Christmas.  In this city, you should be so lucky to find something so permanent and reliable.

Which winds this lazy river to my point.  In late 2003, my live-in gf and I broke up.  It was a rough time.  Six months later, I started this blog.  It stands as a chronicle of my experience taking on this city on my own.  It was hard, but I learned with minimal effort, you can find your niche.  And maybe yourself.

So here's the RCR guide to DC.  In group houses you'll meet people you'll learn to hate.  On kickball teams, you'll meet people that you regret fucking.  At clubs you'll meet people who are beneath you.  At college bars/georgetown/any bar you wait in line for... well, you'll meet someone with standards as low as yours.  At Smith Point, you'll meet someone with standards as low as yours and they will post it on a forum.  On Capitol Hill you'll meet... well, there's a reason those places keep burning down.   Craigslist missed connections are from people so uncomfortable with themselves, how could you possible respect them.  The Black Cat and Wonderland might as well do some lock and key party, where random scenesters end up with each other through random selection because god knows anyone who tried that hard to be different has to be the same.

Tattoos are the hypercolor of the oughts.  Being jaded and disaffected is out, being apathetic and self-medicated is in.  The 80's are cool as long as you're real 80's, like Duran Duran, and not 80's, like 90's Duran Duran.  Coke is in, but only as long as you still get a hard on or keep your nose from bleeding.  Pearl snaps are out unless you have a beard, or you're gay, or you used to have a beard, or you're really really into Uncle Tupelo.  Skinny jeans are for people with crotch rot. 

Comparing DC to NYC is out.  Comparing DC to Baltimore is a draw.  If the two cities combined, I think that might be kinda cool.  Comparing VA to MD is like comparing a soccer mom to a lacrosse mom.  Bitching about the heat is par.  Bitching about the cold is par.  Welcome to the mid-Atlantic: the happy trail of America - close enough to smell your morning breath and close enough to smell your sweaty crotch.  But bitching is the District hobby.

DC voting rights?  Representation is for people who aren't disaffected and lazy.  So, you know, well... 

Gentrification might be bad, but without it, who would the gang of tweens rob?  I want DC's youth to learn there is no consequence to their actions.  You were mugged in Cleveland Park?  Yeah, well bus fare is only $1.25.  And forget about those mini motorbikes that the cops seem to ignore as they are ridden up the sidewalk during evening rush hour.  You shouldn't have your iPod so loud that you can't hear a minibike.

You will get ticketed in a zone area before a meter.  Why?  Because meters require marking your time and coming back later.  Meter maids can collect more fines by moving on to the next out of state plate in the neighborhood zones.  

If you you are a new resident of DC, DC will do everything she can to scare you away.  With confidence and perstistence, you will prevail.  Seven years of DC, and I own this city.  But you have to be strong.  By the way, any cute girls, please resond to my Match.com profile name desparateindc@solonely.com.