Just for the record, I have no interest in debating the merits or faults of the ban.  I disagree with it, but it exists and it's not going away.  I will, however, continue to update you on the sales of the few Adams Morgan dives that I hang out in.  So far, business has been pretty effing bad.  But as a rational human being, I'm willing to take a wait and see approach.  A couple of bars have seen 50% drops, and even I'm hesitant to attribute that to the ban.  But we'll see.  For the majority of DC bars, I doubt the ban will affect business.  But for a small minority, it could be killer.  In other news, me and a few smoking DC friends are going to Continental in Rosslyn on Saturday.

Oh, and Graver Digger is going to be at Monster Jam this weekend.  And yes, Kathryn, Cookie and I already have tickets.

• Now Fenty wants to raise the smoking ban hardship exemption from a 5% drop in business to 15%.  Can you imagine any other scenario where small businesses would be expected to tolerate a 14% drop in business because of the arbitrary lawmaking of some nannystate busybodies?  Ridiculous.  How about a ban on the sale of tennis shoes - let's see how Fleet Feet likes it.  I can't believe we've got 4 years of this tool as mayor.  Fenty, sir, you are a douche bag.
• I came home Saturday to find a pile of human excrement at the base of the back stairs into my building.  I would have loved to have caught this person in the act, as I've never kicked anyone in the head as they were taking a dump.  I think I'd like to add that to my repertoire.  I've caught people using my back alley as a toilet several times, but they usually go behind the dumpster.  This time I had to step over it just to get into my building.  I really, really hate people.
• I fell off the wagon a bit with the smoking this weekend.  Mostly because I did a couple of late nights, and by 6am I'm usually pretty hammered and oblivious to the amount I'm smoking.  BUT, I'm still smoking less than I was, so there's that.
• At The Bar Saturday night I was talking to my friend L - she was sitting halfway in front of the Megatouch machine with her back to it, and I was facing her standing.  Out of nowhere I get shoved to the side by this pack of ugly girls who were on a mission for that machine.  L moved out of the way in time to save herself from the stampede, but these girls never said anything.  Not "excuse me," or "pardon me," or "do you mind if we play Megatouch," or even "sorry for being rude and ugly."  L and I migrated to the other end of the bar, where I remarked on the size of the lead girl's eyebrows.  She said "Guys actually notice that?" to which I responded "how do you not notice a pair of caterpillars crawling across a girl's forehead."  A hearty laugh was had by all.  Good times.
• Incidentally, L is my friend T's girlfriend.  He bartends in Virginia on Saturday, so L and I sometimes hang out on Saturday nights.  It occurred to me Saturday that we might be construed as "together" when we're out.  This is great for her because she doesn't have douche bags hitting on her all night.  But as a single guy, it's not so great.  She's very attractive - so at the very least she makes me look good - but I haven't yet found some way to use that to my advantage.  I've been told that women can make good wingmen, but I've never really tried it.  Well, except once, when Kathryn got a girl to stop at our table by complementing her purse.  That was pretty funny.
• This post is particularly rambley.  Sorry about that.

Fans of Low and TV on the Radio should probably go here.

In other news, I haven't been getting 930 newsletters recently.  Anyone else?  Or maybe they finally figured out who I am.

I woke up this morning and counted the cigarettes in last night's fresh pack: 15.  So I'm holding my resolve - although, tonight will be the real test.  I went out last night, and just as I thought, the bar fucking smelled like shit.  I'm telling you, people, that smoke smell was doing you a favor.  Non-smokey bars smell like stale beer, puke, and dirty mop water.  Going outside to smoke wasn't so bad because it's warm out, but if/when it get's colder, that's going to suck salty balls.  It did feel a bit like high school, though, when all the cool kids would step a few feet off campus to smoke.  I can see this being a good way to pick up girls.  You've got an instant opener: "Man this smoking ban sucks, doesn't it?"  Anyway, we're not really going to see the mayhem this is going to cause until the summer.  It will be a shit show.

Oh, and I still smoked in the bar.  I just waited until after it closed.

You may or may not have noticed the Foxfield Counter on the sidebar.  As you might have guessed, it is counting down until the Foxfield Races on April 28.  Of course, you are all invited to join Kathryn, BP, and I (and whatever random girl I'm dating at the time) at our green zone plot for bourbon, fried chicken, and Slackjaw.  But that's neither here nor there.  You have plenty of time to mull that over.  I only mention it because the code is kinda fucked up.  I did what I could to fix it, but it's not my code so I'm at a loss to explain why IE and Firefox are giving different counts.  Anyway, if any of you code monkeys out there have something better, drop me a line.

Carry on.

You may recognize me as a vociferous opponent of the smoking ban, and as such I shall remain.  So how am I dealing with it?  I don't know yet.  I haven't had a drink or a cigarette in three days, partially because I'm kind of scared to go to The Bar because of what it is going to be like with that old familiar bar soot.  I'm a little scared of change - I'll admit that.  I know it's not going to be the same when I can't sit there in my traditional bar pose - arm resting perpendicular on the bar, cigarette in hand, head resting on outstretched thumb.  I've had countless drinks and countless conversations in that exact pose, breaking formation for mere seconds to take a deep drag that will billow slowly out of my mouth, up my nostrils, and then be slowly exhaled through my mouth again, blowing listlessly away like a capricious zephyr.  It wasn't just a cigarette - it was an act of love.  Now, I can only imagine what that act will resemble - hurriedly sucking down puffs while shivering outside, with diminished enjoyment and a desire to finish quickly.  It won't be an act of love - it will be like getting a blowjob in an alley at mardi gras. 

Nevertheless, I'll be venturing out to the bar tonight for a few drinks and yes, a couple of cigarettes.  But I'm not going to like it.

Please take greater care to label your diet coke varietals more distinctly.  Amidst the diet cokes, diet cherry cokes, diet vanilla cokes, and diet black cherry vanilla cokes, one can make a hasty mistake.  For example, I learned today that diet black cherry vanilla coke tastes like a mixture of turpentine and cough syrup.  I'm not sure you were aware of that, but needless to say that was not the taste I was looking for.  For this product, I would recommend labeling it as such:

Okay, either they're underpublicizing this stuff or I just keep missing it, but... A friend alerted me that next week, January 8-14, is restaurant week.  I guess I'll be skipping it this year since a) I'm not seeing anyone, at all, right now, b) Oddly enough, all of my female friends are not single, and c) I refuse to do a man date.  Unless you're gay, I just think there's something awkward about two men having dinner in a nice restaurant.  Maybe it's because the point of going out is the prospect of sex at the end of the night, however remote.  "Look, Bill, I know we're not gay, but... you know... I *did* pick up the check, so...  are you going to invite me up or what?"  Anyway, you kids go and enjoy yourselves.  I was going to recommend Tosca, but I guess they're sitting this year out.  Also, Dino is doing restaurant month.  So have at it.

The Walkmen are playing at R&R Hotel on March 23.  I've never been much of a fan (sorry AEM), but it strikes me as odd that a band that was headlining 930 not even a year ago is now playing a club with a quarter of that capacity.  It's going to look bad if they don't sell out a 400 person club in their hometown.  Tickets go on sale 1/6.

It was the summer of 2004.  I was fresh out of a three year relationship and just getting my feet wet in the DC dating scene (which I would later find to be craptacular).  I was working the door at the ill-fated Kingpin.  I was just getting into this "blogging thing."  All over DC, collars were popping.  Lindsay Lohan was still kinda cute and not a gangling coked out whore.  Michael Moore was partying at Left Bank.  DC enacted a cell phone ban that was promptly ignored by every driver.  And surrounding all of this was a heated presidential race - that's when it really started:

"Hey, did anyone ever tell you that you look like John Edwards?"

No.  Never.  You're the first, Twatwaffle.

I will grant that there is a modicum of resemblance, but not to the extent that I should get comments like that on almost a daily basis.  In fact, the ex-gf (who I wouldn't begin dating for another 6 months) referred to me as John to her friends because she didn't know my real name.  I even went as John Edwards for Halloween that year, which merely involved me wearing a suit and a Kerry - Edwards button.  This got results ranging from "Hey! John Edwards!!" to "So what are you supposed to be" followed by "Who's he?"  Then, as if someone flipped a switch, it stopped.  Oh, right - they lost.

Talking with said ex-gf the other night, she mentioned that it was going to start again now that he's actively campaigning.  And it dawned on me that she's probably right.  Now, I like John Edwards.  He was the first candidate to whom I've ever donated money (during the primaries - with a second donation to the Kerry - Edwards campaign).  I like his focus on domestic issues.  I like his rhetoric.  I even like his hair.  But I'm not sure I can take 2 more years of that, or possibly six if wins.  Accordingly, I'm asking Mr. Edwards to reconsider his candidacy, and how it will affect me.  Won't somebody please put my needs first for a change?  How can you be so selfish?

Okay, I'm kidding.  I support Mr. Edward's candidacy and will probably again hitch my wagon to that horse.  But she was right - two nights later some guy at The Bar said to me "Hey! John Edwards."

Ugh.

So I guess I'll do the obligatory birthday/new years wrap up post.  Sigh.  Well my birthday was rather uninteresting, especially since pretty much all of my friends were out of town.  The ex-gf, formally known as the gf aka Shakey J, was gracious enough to ditch her new boyfriend and accompany me to The Bar for drinks and awkward conversations.  Later my friend L, who is the girlfriend of a good friend who was out of town, met up with us.  It then occurred to me that there I was sitting in a bar on my birthday with two cute blondes - easily the hottest girls in the bar - and I wasn't going to be sleeping with either one of them.  Don't you love it when God taunts you? 

My new years eve was actually one of the better ones.  I was going to stay in out of protest of National Amateur Drinking Night, but when I found out The Bar was without a barback for the night, I signed on.  I've worked the door there a few times, but this was my first time barbacking.  Working with three of my good friends, drinking for free, getting paid to do it, and having a bar between me and the masses made for a great new years experience.  I even got to bartend a little, and not just beers.  So to all the people who got really stiff drinks: you're welcome.  Of course, the party that followed the shift was pretty ridiculous.  Me + two friends + my apartment + 24 high life tall boys = going to bed at 1 pm on new years day.  By the end, we were all so hammered that we couldn't even converse.  Ah, the life of a boozebag.

So I don't normally do this, but I've actually made a new years resolution.  Prepare to be shocked and alarmed:  I'm going to quit smoking.  Not cold turkey, mind you - I'm going to gradually decrease my smoking until I'm used to it.  If I quit cold turkey, I know I'd be smoking again by the end of the week.  My plan is much more realistic: starting today I'm only allowed to smoke 5 cigarettes a day.  After two months, I'm cutting down to a pack a week (or roughly 3 cigarettes a day).  After another two months, none at all.  Well, maybe once in a while, but I'm not buying packs anymore. 

Also, I plan on cutting down on partying in general.  It would be nice to wake up on a Saturday without a hangover at least once in a while.  So there you have it - the healthier, more boring RCR for 2007.  We now return to the regularly scheduled blogging.

I was dreading the drive back from Norfolk this morning until I realized I had the Built To Spill live album in my car.  Then the sun came out for a little while.  I guess maybe this is what you would call a "good" mood that I'm in as a result.

In the past few weeks both of my friends had their kids.  I haven't seen either of them yet, but I hope to this week now that life is returning to normal.  At any rate, Penelope and Stuart, welcome to this world.  Yeah, I know, it's kind of a mess, but it's all we got.

Dear Santa, RCR here.  I want to thank you - the cute blonde in that lace thing is *exactly* what I wanted for Christmas.  But for the love of God man, air holes.  AIR HOLES!  Do you know much fun it is to explain to the cops why there is a dead girl under your Christmas tree?  How about not fun at all.  That's how much fun, you sadistic prick.

Ha ha, just kidding.  I do want to thank Santa for this little electronic 20 questions thing.  It's amazing - about 90% of the time it can guess what you're thinking of.  And right now I'm thinking I can't believe I spent 2 hours trying to outsmart $0.75 worth of transistors and plastic. 

I also want to thank Santa for my Star Trek dvd set.  I can now retire to my nerdery to watch ST:TNG *anytime* I want.  Oh what glorious adventures await us, Jean-Luc Picard?

 Merry Christmas all.  Even you, heathens.

• Like or not, I did not take part in yesterday's mass blogicide, so I'm still here.  Best wishes to Kathryn and V in their new lives as mere non-bloggers.  Of course, if they need to scratch that blogging itch they are always welcome to guest post here.
• Lindsay Lexus - car dealership or porn star name?
• My golden birthday is a week from today.  As usual, I will be dragging a few friends that didn't make out-of-town new years plans out to a bar to get hammered.  And guess what?  You're invited.  Yes, you, the Time Person of the Year.  Congratulations.  Anyway, Friday, December 29, 9 ish to whenvs at a bar to be determined by me sometime next week.  Check back or email me.
• Yep, that's all I got.  It's been a slow week.
  

So I signed up for LNS recently and wow.  I mean, just wow.  There's enough fodder for mockery in there to keep 100 monkeys blogging non-stop for a year.  Wonkette is just hitting the tip of the iceberg.  The photos are the best part - it's like a worst case scenario of blue blooded in-breeding.  One guy's jaw is so big I think he could eat his own face.  Anyway, mockery aside, a few comments...

The site in itself is actually kind of a cool idea.  Bars are arranged by neighborhood and list nightly drink specials.  People associate themselves with the bars at which they are "regulars" so you can kinda get an idea of the scene at each bar.  The problem is: the people.  I mean, it's like a tractor trailer hauling duffeldouches jacknifed on the highway after colliding with a chartered bus for Hootie and the Blowfish, leaving the highway strewn with a bloody mangled mess of dead Hootie and used douche bags.  Hmmm... too macabre?

Anyway, I put regulars in quotes, because at least a hundred people claim to be regulars at The Bar, and yet I didn't recognize a single one of them.  Lest I sound arrogant, it is true that I would likely recognize you if you come to The Bar on a regular basis. 

Another beef: LNS apparently doesn't recognize Columbia Heights as a neighborhood.  Accordingly, they place Wonderland in the Mount Pleasant group.  Now I know you may be thinking "well why create a whole other section just to include one bar."  Ah, but aren't you forgetting Ruby Tuesday?  They have a bar.  I've been.  It's not so bad.  For watching a game anyway.  (Seriously, the staff is super nice).  And there's Rumbero, to which I've never been, but I hear it's nice.  Anyway, I guess I shouldn't expect these people to be too knowledgeable of 14 St.

Last but not least, I'm very proud of my profile.  It truly is a marvel of doucheyness.  It's douchetastic.  As is my friend H's, who, as it turns out, is a member of the Capital Yacht Club.  I did not know that.  I'm sure it's just a matter of time before they figure me out and revoke my membership, but until then I'll be ROTFLMAO.

This post is so turbo.  Seacrest out.