I've been thinking a lot about gay marriage lately - I don't know why, it just popped into my head.  So I was reading up on just how dangerous the prospect of gay marriage is.  I mean, I'm aware of the homosexual agenda and their plan to convert me and everyone else I know, but until I read this article by Glenn T. Stanton at Family.org, I didn't realize how much of a danger gay marriage poses to my (future) family.  From the FAQ:

Q: But how does someone’s homosexual “marriage” threaten everyone else’s families?

A: Gay activists are not asking for just one homosexual marriage, even though they often personalize it by saying, “Don’t you interfere with my family and I won’t interfere with yours.” What the activists want is a new national policy saying that no longer is a mom and a dad any better than two moms or two dads. That policy would turn some very important principles upside down:

Marriage would become merely an emotional relationship that is flexible enough to include any grouping of loving adults. If it is fair for two men or two women to marry, why not three, or five, or 17? The terms “husband” and “wife” would become merely words with no meaning.

A compelling argument indeed.  The slope is so slippery it's like a drunk seacaptain crashed an oil tanker onto it.  Letting two men marry truly would be like allowing 17 people to marry.  I see no difference.

Parenthood would consist of any number of emotionally attached people who care for kids. “Mother” and “father” would become only words.

That truly would be fucked up if anyone other than the biological mother or father emotionally cared for children.  And as always, the most compelling argument is the semantic argument.  We can't let gay marriage happen or else your mom and dad will turn into words.  And you don't want that.  You can't hug a word, or borrow its car keys.  A word isn't going to pay your college tuition.

Gender would become nothing. The same-sex proposition cannot tolerate the idea that any real, deep and necessary differences exist between the sexes. It must rest on a “Mister Potato Head theory” of gender difference (same core, just interchangeable body parts). If real differences did exist, then men would need women and women would need men. Our children would learn that sexual differences are like mere personality types. Wait until your kids start bringing those papers home from school.

If these gay activists are relying a the Mr. Potato Head theory, then clearly they're grasping at straws.  Everyone knows that the Mr. Potato Head theory is the most untenable of all theories.  I mean, it's named after a child's toy for god's sake.  And not even a cool toy like Optimus Prime, Storm Shadow, or Voltron.  Besides, imagine a world where genders were considered equal.  Men would be doing laundry and women would be mowing lawns.  The very concept of gender stereotypes would implode.  That would be frightening.

But it doesn't stop there.  Gay marriage poses an even greater threat, not just to our families, but to the entire world.  After months of research, and using infallible reasoning skills that I've learned from James Dobson, I have concluded that gay marriage is causing global warming.  Think about it: scientists have observed that average global temperatures have been rising throughout the last century.  What else has risen over the last century?  The number of gay marriages.  The chart says it all:

Granted, I've provided no scale on the axes, and I have little or no statistical data to back it up.  But consider this: same sex unions have been legal in Sweden since 1987.  Sweden is close to the Arctic.  There's a hole in the ozone layer where?  Over the Arctic.  See what I mean?  I'm not sure how or why, but homosexuals are destroying the environment with marriage.  I, for one, will not sit idly by and let this happen.  So remember: