« "I'd Do It Again!" | Main | 10 Reasons Why You Might Be An Alcoholic »

Thought Vomit

  • You know you're in an "up and coming" neighborhood when the free clinic van parks in front of your building.  Add to this that you live NEXT DOOR to another free clinic.  The bright side?  I'm know I'm not pregnant.
  • What is it about the traffic circles in DC that make drivers completely oblivious to traffic lights and signaling lane changes?  Oh, look, Logan Circle.  I'm going to run all the lights in the circle and then fly across 3 lanes of oncoming traffic to make my exit.
  • I got a stock tip today via email from someone I don't know.  They assured me that the stock price is going to go "through the roof," and that I should get in now while it's $0.30.  Naturally, I invested my life savings in it and now I'm just biding my time until I'm a gazillionaire.  Sweet.

True story:  I was at "the bar" on Saturday night, sitting at the bar between two friends who also had friends on the other side of them.  I get up from the bar to use the bathroom, and, as usual, leave my beer and my cigarettes at my stool.  When I come back from the bar there is a girl sitting on my stool, and my friends are talking to other people.  I was about to politely inform her that she was sitting in my seat, when she picks up my beer and takes a drink of it.  Here's how it went down:

Me:  Excuse me, um, not only are you sitting in my seat, but you're drinking my beer.
Her: [in the most drunken slur imaginable]  Well, what are we going to do about it?
Me:  Well, you're going to get up and I'm going to sit down.
Her: Oh, you want your seat back.
Me:  Yes, never mind the fact that you're drinking my beer.
Her: [to my friend] Your friend is really aggressive.
Her: Well what are we going to do about the beer.
Me:  You know what: you keep the beer.  I'll get another one.
Her: [stumbling off the stool and in a completely bitchy tone]  Well it was really nice meeting you.  Even though we didn't meet.
Me:  Yeah, enjoy your half drunk beer.

There was actually more to it than that, but as you can imagine with drunk people, it was basically me repeating myself and her staring blankly back at me.  You, sloppy bitchy drunk girl, receive the dubious distinction of being the RCR Asshole of the Week.  Nay, Asshole of the Month.  Do the world a favor and die.

Posted on Monday, June 19, 2006 by Registered CommenterRCR | Comments19 Comments | References2 References

References (2)

References allow you to track sources for this article, as well as articles that were written in response to this article.
  • Response
    Response: Levitra.
    at Levitra. on Jun 4, 2007 at 01:57AM
    Levitra.
  • Response
    Response: Sores
    at http://soresstory.info on Mar 15, 2008 at 03:21PM

Reader Comments (19)

Is that "Thought Vomit" or "Haute Vomit," dude?

Either way that bitch is a bitch. She's the meanest bitch in the whole wide world. She's a stupid bitch, if there ever was a bitch, she's a bitch to all the boys and girls.

And we all know bitches ain't shit.

(Did I break a new cussing record? For me.)
Jun 19, 2006 at 12:21PM | Unregistered CommenterKathryn
There was a T there the first time I published it. That's weird.
Jun 19, 2006 at 12:33PM | Registered CommenterRCR
Aw, come on, RCR. She was obviously flirting with you. "Hmm! What are we going to do about this beer situation?"

It sounds like you handled it pretty well, though:
"Take your mouth-sores and your newly acquired beer and get off of my stool, vector. You can buy me a replacement or give me cash - - either way."
Jun 19, 2006 at 12:38PM | Unregistered CommenterAUA
I had no idea that you lived next to a free clinic. I don't know a lot about this place, do I?

Yeah. That woman deserves the award. It was a bad way to try to pick you up (and yes, RCR, that's what she was trying to do).

Next time, take the beer back and ask the bartender to throw it away. That'll teach her! Right?
Jun 19, 2006 at 12:38PM | Unregistered CommenterM.A.
There's number 11 for your alcholic list.
Jun 19, 2006 at 12:54PM | Unregistered Commentere
I'm still dumbfounded that when I told her she was drinking my beer, i.e., my backwash, she continued to drink it. I mean, ewwww.

If she was trying to pick me up, that's sad. If she was too drunk to realize she picked up someone else's beer and started drinking it, that's sadder. If this is her way of scamming free drinks, that's definitely the saddest thing I've ever heard.

Jun 19, 2006 at 01:00PM | Registered CommenterRCR
Oh, and yeah, Unity Health Care. It's across the street from CVS.
Jun 19, 2006 at 01:03PM | Registered CommenterRCR
She musta been ugly.
Jun 19, 2006 at 01:07PM | Unregistered CommenterCarrie
I don't know, I was too blinded with rage and disgust to notice.

Jun 19, 2006 at 01:12PM | Registered CommenterRCR
You should have brought her home to the free clinic.
Jun 19, 2006 at 01:49PM | Unregistered CommenterBrock
that bitch stole my signature move! i usually like to finish things up by spitting in the dude's beer and then handing it back.

i kid.

i give it back without spitting.
Jun 19, 2006 at 02:41PM | Unregistered Commenteretcetera
She is the female "Spalding".
Jun 19, 2006 at 03:34PM | Unregistered CommenterPhil
Here's how my conversation with her went:

Girl: [sits down] Hi.
Me: Hi. Someone's actually sitting there.
Girl: It's my birday.
Me: Happy Birthday. My friend's in the bathroom, he's going to want his seat back.
Girl: Is he a nice guy?
Me: Ask him.
Girl: [picks up your pack of cigarettes] Well, it's my birday... I'm gonna have one of his cigarettes.
Me: No, don't do that. Here, take one of mine.
Girl: Thanks, do you have a light?
Me: Yes, but you have the cigarette in backwards.
Girl: [cigarette dangling from her lips] Huh?
Me: Your cigarette is backwards, if I light it you're going to smoke the filter.
Girl: Oh, thanks. I'm turning 23 in two hours.
Me: Never would have guessed it. Here comes my friend...
Jun 19, 2006 at 06:21PM | Unregistered Commenterhan
She was drinking your beer,almost smoked one of your cigarettes AND sitting in your seat at the bar?

Whoa!
Jun 19, 2006 at 06:37PM | Unregistered CommenterChase
10 bucks says she's a Hokie.
Jun 19, 2006 at 10:35PM | Unregistered CommenterCarrie
Not so much in her defense, but just to play devil's advocate: sometimes when you're a drunk girl you don't question where the mysterious beer and cigarettes in front of you came from.
Jun 20, 2006 at 06:22AM | Unregistered CommenterJordanBaker
and the makers of Rohypnol would like to thank you for that, JB.
Jun 20, 2006 at 07:12AM | Unregistered CommenterAUA
Carrie - NO DOUBT!
Jun 20, 2006 at 09:08AM | Unregistered CommenterKathryn
I've had conversations like that. Mine have usually gone like this:

Me: Excuse me, but you're sitting in my seat.
Her: Huh? Well you weren't here when I sat down.
Me: Yeah, I know. But I am now. And that's my beer. So move.
Her: Geeze. Take it easy. You don't have to be such an asshole.
Me: Yes, I do. Seriously, if you don't get out of my chair, I'm going to pick it up by the legs and dump your ass on the ground. You've got about two seconds before I do that so I suggest you move.
Her: God, you are such an asshole. Good luck finding any girl to go out with you.
Me: I don't have to worry about that. I'm married. Have a nice day.
Jun 20, 2006 at 10:01AM | Unregistered CommenterJinxy

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>