The first in what I will hope will be a "So You Wanna Be A Hipster" series (or rather "I have nothing to blog about so I will make fun of hipsters" series), today we're going to talk about having a hipster band.  First, you need a hipster band name.  Don't be fooled, though: the hipster band names of the form The [noun]s are soooo 2003.  New hipster band names* should follow one these forms:

• [word] [preposition] [word] - real-life examples include Murder By Death, Architecture In Helsinki, Riddle Of Steel, Jinxed At Twelve, Head Of Femur
• [non-sensical non-words] - real-life examples include Fing Fang Foom, The Gris Gris, Ris Paul Ric
• [phrase including "Yeah"] - real-life examples include The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

So, off the top of my head your band could be called Fishing For Madras, Tsang Rici Smoof, or Your Mom Says Yeah and still fit into the hipster band name rubric.  Also note, if you are a DJ you should refer to yourself as a Turntablist.

Next you need hipster clothes to be in a hipster band.  Since you're a hipster, you should appear to be jaded, sarcastic, and ironic.  What's more ironic than a tshirt with an ironic saying?  Why a suit of course!  Playing rock and roll in a suit.  It's daft, I tell you.  But there should be something ironic about the suit, like the fact that the style is 20-50 years old, or includes a bolo tie.  Maybe you're wearing cowboy boots with a hounds-tooth jacket - I don't know.  Use your imagination. 

Next is the ever-so important hair.  This is a tough one.  My recommendation is to find a hair stylist who is clearly a junky.  Junkies definitely give you the best hipster haircut - even if it's just taking clippers to one side of your head and passing out.  The half-head of hair is very hipster.  Alternatively, if you have curly, bushy hair then you should never get your hair cut ever again. Ever.

Next is the music.  Don't play an instrument?  Doesn't matter.  Your band is made up of a trombonist, a accordionist, a washtub-bass player, and recordings of the metro "doors closing" voice?  That's fine.  It doesn't matter, because you'll never actually play anywhere anyway, and if you do it will only be for your 6 closest friends.  You see, the point of being in a hipster band isn't to play music or record an album, it's simply for the status of saying you're in a band.  And appearances, children, are what being a hipster is all about.

*real band names taken from the current Black Cat schedule.  For serious.